‘Twas the Day After Christmas… A Jogging Tale

‘Twas the day after Christmas

out running on the trail

5 miles on the horizon

those dang cookies creeped up the scale.


Feeling a little jiggly

and super bloated to boot

combating caramel chex on my ass

oh no, it will not stay put.


One mile in and feeling pretty good

not a soul out there with me

Guess they’re still eating all that food.


When off in the distance I see a figure run

Someone else like me out having some fun

Closer and closer we came to meet

Shorts this fool was wearing, barely socks on his feet.


Waving the friendly trail runners wave

while rolling my eyes after he passed on by,

mile 2 on the horizon, I continued to fly.


My layers started becoming a wee bit much

My sunglasses fogging over, crap I’m hungry for lunch

Mile 2.5 turnaround point finally under my feet

180 turn and BAM, wind blasting my face like a sheet.


Cold, bitter and blustery taste on my lips

My eyes started burning, tears like a faucet did drip

Snot now pouring out my nose is definitely disgusting

And my wind induced snail pace – damn right I’m now cussing.


Mile 3 my GPS did chime in

Only two more to go for the win!

Two bikers soon came to pass me out on the path,

Wearing green and red like a Christmas tree, out-loud I did laugh.


My sweat tastes like sugar, I thought it was to taste like salt

For sure the craptastic eating has got to come to a halt.

Mile 4, oh thank goodness, coming up ’round the bend,

I think about quitting, putting this madness to an end.


Oh no, not now, said my evil competitive half

Keep going, your butts still the size of a calf.

Mile 4.5, 4.6, 4.7 and now 8

This running today I surely did hate!


Finally, Mile 5 I hit with a joyous outburst

Give me some vodka, I’ve gotta quench this thirst“!

Day after Christmas running, a giant success,

Now back to the couch my ass must rest.



2 thoughts on “‘Twas the Day After Christmas… A Jogging Tale

  1. Oh, you’re good…. 🙂


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