‘Twas the day after Christmas
out running on the trail
5 miles on the horizon
those dang cookies creeped up the scale.
Feeling a little jiggly
and super bloated to boot
combating caramel chex on my ass
oh no, it will not stay put.
One mile in and feeling pretty good
not a soul out there with me
Guess they’re still eating all that food.
When off in the distance I see a figure run
Someone else like me out having some fun
Closer and closer we came to meet
Shorts this fool was wearing, barely socks on his feet.
Waving the friendly trail runners wave
while rolling my eyes after he passed on by,
mile 2 on the horizon, I continued to fly.
My layers started becoming a wee bit much
My sunglasses fogging over, crap I’m hungry for lunch
Mile 2.5 turnaround point finally under my feet
180 turn and BAM, wind blasting my face like a sheet.
Cold, bitter and blustery taste on my lips
My eyes started burning, tears like a faucet did drip
Snot now pouring out my nose is definitely disgusting
And my wind induced snail pace – damn right I’m now cussing.
Mile 3 my GPS did chime in
Only two more to go for the win!
Two bikers soon came to pass me out on the path,
Wearing green and red like a Christmas tree, out-loud I did laugh.
My sweat tastes like sugar, I thought it was to taste like salt
For sure the craptastic eating has got to come to a halt.
Mile 4, oh thank goodness, coming up ’round the bend,
I think about quitting, putting this madness to an end.
Oh no, not now, said my evil competitive half
Keep going, your butts still the size of a calf.
Mile 4.5, 4.6, 4.7 and now 8
This running today I surely did hate!
Finally, Mile 5 I hit with a joyous outburst
“Give me some vodka, I’ve gotta quench this thirst“!
Day after Christmas running, a giant success,
Now back to the couch my ass must rest.