Biker Feature {Jenny}

An August evening in Emerson, IA served as the setting for my photo practice session #2 with none other then Jenny and her green machine.   Jenny lovingly called this session her “senior” photos, referencing more age then the traditional HS milestone.  We had a fun evening and I learned a lot about lighting and what the lack there-of does to photo quality.  Each session I learn something new, which is exactly my intention and purpose.

Thanks, Jenny!  Enjoy a few of my favorite photos from the night.

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Cheers!

Say No To Crack | A Gym Rats Must Do Test

In the fitness world belongs a peculiar little test that should always be administered before an individual steps foot into the gym.  This little test MUST be passed with flying colors as it is the best defense against the involuntary showing of one’s butt crack.

Legging wearing gym goer’s.  Come One, Come All!

This is for you, boo. 

Allow me to assist you in avoiding future and/or continued unplanned exposure of your derrière. The following is the greatest preventative measure against personal humiliation you could ever administer.

Are you ready for this?  It’s called…

The Squat Test 

 

booty courtesy of uber fit Lorna Jane girl

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Ya, you got it!  The simplest and most functional of exercises you can administer could actually help you avoid indecent exposure to the entire gym world.

Before you even think about walking out of that dressing room (or home if you are an online shopper) you MUST get comfortable staring at your back end in a mirror under bright lights.

Yep.  

Ya sure do, sweet-cheeks. 

WHY?

Because if you don’t, those sweet-cheeks are on full display for the world.

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I am talking to you Walmart, Target, Old Navy wearing legging friends.   Where’s my Nike PRO and Under Armour loving friends?  You raising your hands?   Guess what?

You aren’t exempt.

Nike has gotten pretty stingy on some of their material and styles of leggings.  One little squat test I recently did at Scheels proved to me that Nike’s weren’t going to be my friend during a good solid downward dog.

Are we having a break-through moment together right now?  Is your face red with heat and embarrassment thinking about what you wear to the gym?

As a fitness instructor and former fitness Master Trainer, I have seen more booties, thongs and granny panties than I ever imagined I would.  I mean, I teach fitness classes. What is this?!

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Now, I AM one of those people who tries to always let others know if they have something in their teeth, or if they have spilled food on their boob, etc.  My goodness, I’d want others to tell me!  How friggin’ embarrassing, yo!  Help a sista OUT!

Now with that said, I always try to cover my fitness peeps butts by letting you know I can see it, but I also don’t want to embarrass you, so I will wait until the end of class if no one is in your direct line of fire.  Here’s the second BUT — sadly I am also forgetful and at the end of class I just want to get everyone stretched and smiling again after the death that was bestowed on them and out the door, so, if you are in my classes you aren’t exempt.  Please resume squat test, immediately, in your own well lit bathroom mirror, k?

The How and What to the Squat Test

  • Turn around so your back is to the mirror.
  • Squat.
    • Deep and low as you can go.
  • Now, stick your booty out there, girl.
    • Give it a little smack if you feelin’ sassy.
  • And then LOOK.
    • Can you see your paisley printed thong through the material?  How about the outline?  HOW ABOUT SKIN?
  • Not seeing anything?
    • Put a light to it.  Natural light or flashlight.  Now whatcha got for me?

EEK!

Put those pants back on the hanger and

W.A.L.K.  A.W.A.Y!!!

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The Higher the Price – The More Dignity You Will Preserve

You cannot be afraid to spend a pretty penny on workout leggings.   Unless you are super eager to show off your scantily covered apple bottom, then there isn’t a price tag too high, in my opinion.   Below are my two favorites from ATHLETA to help you get started.  You can find in my closet two pairs of each of the below, because I believe in them that much.   I also LOVE the mid to high waist bands.  Zero roll down, zero pulling up pants every 5 seconds of a workout, complete coverage.   SOLD.

There are so many brands out there worth mentioning and exploring, so don’t limit yourself.  Lorna Jane, LuLuLemon, Fabletics, Carbon 38 and Victoria’s Secret PINK to name a few.   Heck, try Nike and Under Armour as well!  I have a few myself, but I was very careful with the squat test on those babies.  And, for the record, I love Nike.  I wear Nike Free RN shoes to the gym (Asics Gel Quantrums make a steady appearance as well) and nearly all my tops are also Nike.  Nike FREAK over here, but you just have to be careful on SOME of the legging styles.   They are made for certain workouts and the material is a good indicator of that.  Just didn’t want to hurt Nike’s feelings in case they want to sponsor me and my radness.  You know. 😉

 

Athleta Stealth TruCool Skulptek Capri. $98

 

Athleta Chaturanga Tight. $74

 

Happy Shopping and Mirror Squatting!

 

Cheers!

 

Killed Our Liver on the Elkhorn River | July 2017

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Thanks to Tubing & Adventures, our crew had a killer time this past weekend floating down the lazy Elkhorn River.  6.5 hours of floating, sunny 92 degree temperature, minimal humidity and loads of beer consumption leaves little room for error, in my opinion.

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We had 19 in our crew (we missed you Kruse’s) and throughout the morning everyone trickled in to set up tents and crack open those first drinks before we set out for our all afternoon adventure.

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Seriously, days like this need to happen far more often.  Why is it that available weekends are few and far between in these summer months?

They are all packed full of happy and goodness is why!

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We drank, we floated, we stopped at sandbars, we relaxed, we laughed…

we enjoyed the day.

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Unfortunately, a few things got lost in the great Elkhorn.  My earrings, my sunglasses, some skin thanks to debris, John’s sunglasses and the biggest loss of all: Tracy’s phone.  A few others may or may not have lost their bellies in the river too, but we won’t go into detail on that.

What’s an all day float down the river without a few hazards?

 

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Tubing and Adventures provides a GREAT service and I highly recommend using them for your next adventure.  Cheap entertainment, top notch customer service (thanks Brock and crew), high-quality tubes, complimentary beer cooler floats for every 4th person, perfect primitive camping options, and a gorgeous view to wake up to!

 Is it too early to book our 2018 float?  T&A has my vote!

😉

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Cheers to a continued great summer!

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Biker Feature {Liz}

Three Christmases ago, Clint bought me a really nice Canon Rebel.   I was stoked!   Took it out of the box, attempted to figure out the manual settings, and then put it back in the box and let it sit.   Thanks for the Christmas present, babe!

This summer I am making a concentrated effort to start learning the ropes, with the end goal of being able to use my camera in the manual settings to produce quality photos of my biker friends that they will enjoy.  Fortunately, I have some pretty great friends who are willing and eager to serve as my guinea pigs and Liz raised her hand to be my first experiment.

Holy crap, I was nervous!  What if I was unable to translate what I saw in my head to my camera?  What if I botched it, completely?  And what about putting it out there for others?   What about the judgement?

All of that aside, we scheduled a date, I chugged a few beers and we went to work.   200+ photos later, I am pleased with what was captured and am excited to share with you a few of the highlights.   Now, to continue to learn and grow.

Thanks, Liz for being the PERFECT “first” for me.   It was a ton of fun.

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Cheers!

12th Annual Biker B!tch Run | 2017

The 12th Annual Biker B!tch Run rolled in hot.

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And rolled out even hotter.

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Literally.

It was 9 million degrees that day. But who ever let a little sun and heat index of stay-inside-and-hydrate stop them?

Clearly, not us.

 

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The Beginning – Sugars in Council Bluffs, IA

Sugars provided us with our morning cocktail blends of bloody mary’s, screwdrivers and red-bull vodkas.  Logical drinks of choice for the 10:30 brunch hour, right?   And can we take a moment to appreciate this pretty BA sign that Candy and Marcy got for me???    This girl has some pretty incredible and oh-so thoughtful friends (even if I had to be reminded WHO actually went in on this bad boy.  Early on-set of Alzeimers, friends.  It’s real.  And I was just so excited for the day!)  Thanks again Candy!  ❤

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After cocktail hour, hugs, hellos and good-to-see-ya again’s… it was time to make that day our b!tch.

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Stop 1 – Tailgators Bar and Grill in Oakland, IA

A smorgasbord of lunch, ice cold beers and temperature regulation, Tailgators served us well.  And leave it to these naughties to find an opportunity in the dumpster.

Because where else, right?

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Finding fun in every moment is what these chicks excel at.

I dig.

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Stop 2: Cruisers in Griswold, IA

I believe we have Cruisers to thank for the kick of feel-good-endorphins.

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It’s a strong possibility those endorphins were brought to you courtesy of little cups of jello thanks to that wild child, Elise.  A little jiggly bucket of magic dust is what we will call it.

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And it’s our civic duty to follow clear directions and common law…

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So we made sure to oblige.

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Cruisers also provided us with a long stretch of street where we could actually set up and snag a few photos while melting under the fiery glare of the sun.

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Oh, but honey…

Griswold never looked so good.

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Let’s not forget our fun little crew taking space in the fun bus.

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I have Hunter to thank for many of the group photos from the road.  I gave her my camera and said “have fun”.

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Anyway, let’s roll on, shall we?

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Tyree always serves as my right-hand woman.  On the road and in life. ❤

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Stop 3: The Rainbow in Red Oak, IA

There is always one community that doesn’t know what to do or how to handle us when we come rolling in.  This year was definitely Red Oak.  Upon entering the town we came up on a sheriff.  Said sheriff pulled into the center turning lane and sat there while each and every one of us rolled on by, following the trusty 25mph speed limit and providing smiles, winks and a few head nods.

I am certain he was just enjoying the view…

Wouldn’t you?

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The Rainbow provided us with some eats and treats before it was time to leave the fine diners of the Rainbow Cafe to themselves again.

Ya, I see you Cyndi.

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Liz was being a badass a few weeks prior and broke her ankle so instead of two-wheels, she got four, courtesy of this little scooter.  And what kinda mode of transportation would it be without a license plate?

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Y’all.  This is my aunt Marla.  My dad’s sista.  I have this B!tch run to thank for getting us connected again.  It’s been so fun having her along for the ride.   Fun fact: she trailored down my dad’s old bike so I could use it in senior pics back in 1999.   Fun new fact: she fed me pizza when I was a toddler and got scolded.   This new fact is brought to you courtesy of Jessica’s conversation starters in the fun bus.

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Let’s ROLL!

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Stop 4: Jaime’s Tavern on Main in Essex, IA

Oh, friends.  FRIENDS!

You don’t even know…

Let me elaborate via visual effect.

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Our smart mouthed but huge heart friend Jenn couldn’t make the run due to work (we were also down a few others due to a trip to MX, a float trip, work and family time) BUT, Jenn busted her butt to get to Essex to have a drink and see us off to the next stop.

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And it’s always about this time where I become huggy.  I believe we can thank those little buckets of magic from earlier.

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Or maybe these baby beers.  Seriously.  Have you HAD THESE YET?

You are missing out.  Don’t miss out.

Don’t be that guy.

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Alright, Alright.  Let’s move along while we still can.

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Stop 5: The Hangout in Malvern, IA

It’s always about this time where folks start tearing off to head home for dinner with their s.o.’s or various other reasons.  It took me a minute to get used to that as the OG days we stayed together until alllllllll hours of the night.  But, a larger group now-a-days equals a wider range of home locations and miles in between plus family obligations, so I have embraced it as the new standard and can totally dig it.  It’s us.  It’s the new way.

And this last official bar always brings the onslaught of photo opps, as for many of these girls, this B!tch ride might be the only time each year that they ride together, which makes the moments and memories even more special.

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A little fact about the below pic.  Cyndi (left) rode in from Cedar Rapids!  I met Cyndi during the summer of 2007 at the Conesville Motorcycle Rally (R.I.P to the #2 ranked most epic of rallies… click here and here for the #1 ranked) so to have her join up this year on her own ride was pretty friggin’ sa-weet!

And Ashley (right) was a Jeeper during the 11th annual and decided then and there that she was going to be on her own two-wheels for the 12th annual.

A woman of her word.  My kinda peep.

Tyree- does this make her MY friend now too?

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Is the photo fuzzy, or have you just been drinking?

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The official stops may be over, but the unofficial stops were just beginning!

Peace out Malvern!

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Unofficial Stop 6: The Backroom Lounge in Lake Ohana/Glenwood, IA

We didn’t stick around here long.  Just enough for Tyree to join some kids in a bounce house, eat some grub, laugh at something on a phone that I am sure wasn’t funny, pass out the lollipops.

GANG, I am SORRY (not sorry cuz more for me) I forgot these earlier in the day… fail.

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OFFICIAL stop 7: Cara’s SURPRISE 30th BIRTHDAY PARTY!

We cruised into her nice quiet neighborhood, frightened her husband, rolled back the throttles because no birthday is complete without the sound of motorcycles hitting their rev limiters and surprised the hell outta this girl.

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We done?

duh.

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Some fuel and then I took up whip while Liz led us out to The Mile Away where you should also go for the chairs alone.

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Strong possibility they’ll put you right to sleep too!

Soon after the Mile Away we made our way to Crescent for some grub and good tunes and a final end to the night brought to you courtesy of Kimi’s famous split.  It wouldn’t be a B!tch run without it.  BUT, I shall spare her the pic.  There may be some shirt slippage in there and that’s just reserved for us. 😉

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Year 12 brought the fun.  It brought the renewed spirit.  It brought new friendships and reunited old.  It brought a sense of complete camaraderie and sisterhood that makes the B!tch run what it is and what it was built from.  Friendships united on trust, love, honesty, loyalty, a lil booze, wind and complete and total nonsense.

And 100% fun.

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CHEERS!

 

 

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Special Thanks to:

Courtyard Ink

And all the bars visited, linked above.

 

 

 

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