‘Twas the day after Christmas

out running on the trail

5 miles on the horizon

those dang cookies creeped up the scale.

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Feeling a little jiggly

and super bloated to boot

combating caramel chex on my ass

oh no, it will not stay put.

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One mile in and feeling pretty good

not a soul out there with me

Guess they’re still eating all that food.

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When off in the distance I see a figure run

Someone else like me out having some fun

Closer and closer we came to meet

Shorts this fool was wearing, barely socks on his feet.

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Waving the friendly trail runners wave

while rolling my eyes after he passed on by,

mile 2 on the horizon, I continued to fly.

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My layers started becoming a wee bit much

My sunglasses fogging over, crap I’m hungry for lunch

Mile 2.5 turnaround point finally under my feet

180 turn and BAM, wind blasting my face like a sheet.

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Cold, bitter and blustery taste on my lips

My eyes started burning, tears like a faucet did drip

Snot now pouring out my nose is definitely disgusting

And my wind induced snail pace – damn right I’m now cussing.

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Mile 3 my GPS did chime in

Only two more to go for the win!

Two bikers soon came to pass me out on the path,

Wearing green and red like a Christmas tree, out-loud I did laugh.

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My sweat tastes like sugar, I thought it was to taste like salt

For sure the craptastic eating has got to come to a halt.

Mile 4, oh thank goodness, coming up ’round the bend,

I think about quitting, putting this madness to an end.

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Oh no, not now, said my evil competitive half

Keep going, your butts still the size of a calf.

Mile 4.5, 4.6, 4.7 and now 8

This running today I surely did hate!

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Finally, Mile 5 I hit with a joyous outburst

“Give me some vodka, I’ve gotta quench this thirst“!

Day after Christmas running, a giant success,

Now back to the couch my ass must rest.

~