‘Twas the day after Christmas
out running on the trail
5 miles on the horizon
those dang cookies creeped up the scale.
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Feeling a little jiggly
and super bloated to boot
combating caramel chex on my ass
oh no, it will not stay put.
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One mile in and feeling pretty good
not a soul out there with me
Guess they’re still eating all that food.
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When off in the distance I see a figure run
Someone else like me out having some fun
Closer and closer we came to meet
Shorts this fool was wearing, barely socks on his feet.
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Waving the friendly trail runners wave
while rolling my eyes after he passed on by,
mile 2 on the horizon, I continued to fly.
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My layers started becoming a wee bit much
My sunglasses fogging over, crap I’m hungry for lunch
Mile 2.5 turnaround point finally under my feet
180 turn and BAM, wind blasting my face like a sheet.
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Cold, bitter and blustery taste on my lips
My eyes started burning, tears like a faucet did drip
Snot now pouring out my nose is definitely disgusting
And my wind induced snail pace – damn right I’m now cussing.
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Mile 3 my GPS did chime in
Only two more to go for the win!
Two bikers soon came to pass me out on the path,
Wearing green and red like a Christmas tree, out-loud I did laugh.
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My sweat tastes like sugar, I thought it was to taste like salt
For sure the craptastic eating has got to come to a halt.
Mile 4, oh thank goodness, coming up ’round the bend,
I think about quitting, putting this madness to an end.
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Oh no, not now, said my evil competitive half
Keep going, your butts still the size of a calf.
Mile 4.5, 4.6, 4.7 and now 8
This running today I surely did hate!
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Finally, Mile 5 I hit with a joyous outburst
“Give me some vodka, I’ve gotta quench this thirst“!
Day after Christmas running, a giant success,
Now back to the couch my ass must rest.
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