Facing Fear



I, like many others, have set several goals that I want to achieve in 2015.

The first of which has a deadline.

That deadline is almost here and I have, at this point, successfully pumped myself full of self-doubt.

The self-doubt has become so great that I subconsciously and unknowingly self-sabotage.  Bad decisions, terrible internal voices that tell me I am not ready, lack of motivation, lack of confidence, inadequate feelings, the almighty “oh, you still have time” and then even worse “maybe this goal you just won’t make… try again next time”.




I don’t want to try again.   I don’t want to miss this first goal I set for myself.

I had plenty of time to prepare.  I knew this was coming since November of last year.  I have had more than enough time to hone my craft.

So, why is it that I am no where near what I had in mind as being “ready”.



   Lack of motivation



I know I am being vague when it comes to the goal itself.  That’s the thing

                                                               There are a total of 5 people that know what it is.

                                                                                                                                                      It is that scary for me.


End of February.

Goal 1.

It’s there.  It isn’t going anywhere.  It is up to me to really figure out if I am ready for it, if it’s self-doubt or if I just need a little more time.


Whatever it is, I need to remember…

Goal 1 might be a failure – but I am not.


Self-Reflection and The Impact of Achieving Goals

2013 was a very important year for me.

It was my year of change.  My year of setting goals and conquering the heck out of them.  It was my year to truly see what I was capable of achieving.

As I sat here this evening looking ahead at my 2014 goals and what I had set out to accomplish, I was met with a series of doubts.

Admittedly, I have fallen off track on some of my goals for this year.  Lost focus and ambition.  Doubts.  Fears.

As I was sorting through my thoughts, I found myself doing some serious self-reflection.

I started with January 2013.

My first major goal set for 2013 was to complete a half marathon.  What a major goal that was for me.  A non-runner, in all aspects of the word running, to finishing a half-marathon.  I set the standard high and I achieved.


I realize now how much of an impact accomplishing that ONE goal had on me and how it set into motion all of these other completely incredible events.

I also realize that fear had gripped me for too many years and held me back from making my dreams my reality.

1)  I wanted to step in front of the classroom and teach fitness classes again.

My mind told me I was too chubby.  Who would take me seriously? 

I am too nervous in front of groups of people I don’t know.  I’ll choke.

2) I wanted to complete a Mud Run.

My mind told me that running through mud and water would make my shorts stick to me.  And even worse, that my thighs would make my shorts ride up.  I’d constantly be messing with my clothes!

3) I wanted to become nationally certified again in the fitness industry. 

My mind told me people would judge me.  I don’t look fit enough to lead and inspire others.

4) I wanted to complete a half-marathon

My mind didn’t allow me to tell anyone for weeks for fear that I would fail.

Ugly thoughts.  Very self-deprecating.

Through self-reflection I realize, something changed in me the day I crossed that finish line.

I realized that I was worthy.

I was capable. 

I didn’t have to be first.  I didn’t have to have the ‘perfect’ physique.  I didn’t have to be all these things that had swarmed my head for so long.

I just had to believe in me.


I made the rest of 2013 my year.  I did things that I had held back on for so long.  I did things for me.  I inspired others and didn’t even know I did.

Mud Run?  Check.


I completed a 5K with my mom.  She says I inspired her.

When really, she inspired me.


I became TurboKick Certified

TK St Louis

I was hired at the YMCA and started teaching fitness classes again for the first time since 2006.  I quickly remembered HOW MUCH I loved it.  And missed it.  Why did I ever leave the front of that classroom?


I started this Blog to share recipes, fitness plans, my inspirations, my fears, my thoughts, my life.


I became AFAA Nationally Certified


I let my fears go.

And I let my dreams live.


Self-Reflection and the Impact of Achieving Goals.

My fears are still there, but I am keeping them in check.

My doubts will continue to fight me…..

but I am going to fight back.


What are your dreams?  Why are you holding back?

Set a goal.  Any goal.  Achieve it.

You never know what door it will open.